Goodbye To You
by Sapphira2
Summary: Takes place after the Finale of Season Three, and is based on Beka’s painful inner turmoil over Tyr’s departure from the Andromeda, and where she believes it leaves her in the grand scheme of things. Please read and review ~Completed~


"Goodbye To You" 

**Song Fic based on the TV Series "Andromeda"**

**~*~*~*~*~**

DISCLAIMER: Oh please… If I owned ANYTHING in relation to Andromeda, would I be writing this??? And if I had any artistic control over the real thing, I REALLY wouldn't be writing this, because Tyr never would have left… So none of it is mine, including the song, and I am making no profit (at least not of the money variety) by writing this, or any of my other fanfics for that matter…

AN – Okay, I just want to mention one thing here real quick… well, actually two… One is that I changed absolutely NOTHING in the lyrics of the song that I used… Which is why this song was so perfect for Beka… It is entitled "Goodbye To You" by Michelle Branch from her debut album "The Spirit Room"… and the other thing that I wanted to mention is that I'm planning on doing a sequel song fic from Tyr's point of view, but only if people show some interest in **_this_ **story. 

I hope you enjoy and will let me know what you think of my interpretation of these two very strong-willed characters.

Welcome To My World… And Watch Your Step…

**~*~*~*~*~**

**Summary – Takes place after the Finale of Season Three, and is based upon Beka's inner turmoil over Tyr's departure from the Andromeda, and the two very different paths that their destinies have now forced them to undertake… Please read and review… ~Completed~**

**~*~*~*~*~**

Goodbye To You 

****

****

Stepping quietly into the deserted Observation Deck of the Andromeda, Beka's muffled footfalls padded gently across the hard flooring as she made her way over to the immense viewing panel that looked out over yet another star system in yet another galaxy in a universe that since the moment she had slipped from her mother's womb had always been her playground. 

**_//…Of all the things I've believed in…//_**

Brushing a short lock of pale blond hair off of her forehead, she sat down on the wide padded bench, put her back up against the cold metal wall behind her, and pulled her knees up to her chest. Resting her right cheek on them as she continued to look out into space. Face just inches from the nearly invisible shielding.

Her shift was over. She should have already been in bed, considering how little shut-eye she had been acquiring over the last few days. She knew that if Dylan found out that his pilot wasn't taking advantage of every spare moment offered to her to rest up, he would have been less than pleased, and more than a little concerned. But Beka couldn't help it. She considered Dylan to be one of her closest friends, a part of her family, and one of the VERY few men that had her unquestionable loyalty and respect. But this wasn't something that she would ever be able to explain to him, or even to the rest of the crew. 

She'd been through the various stages of anger and indifference… Now she was faced with something else… An emptiness that she'd never felt before. 

So how could she explain to any of them what was going on inside her head, when she didn't even fully understand it herself?  

**_//…I just want to get it over with…//_**

It had only been a few days since the destruction of the New Commonwealth Fleet, and Tyr's departure. Marking a universe that was once again falling apart as history began to repeat itself. Only a few days since she had turned her back on him and walked away. The line of her shoulders stiff and stomach tied up in knots of regret, pain and anger. It had taken every molecule of her self-respect and courage not to let him see what she was feeling. Make him pay for causing it.

**_//…Tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry…///_**

****

The moments since his departure for her had been spent trapped within a cloud. Oh, she did her job, but it felt so much like she was on auto-pilot. She did what Dylan asked of her, she flew the ship, she helped with clean-up, she ate, she tried to sleep… but there wasn't really any second of it that stuck with her. None of it even felt real. Just yet one more day to get through alive falling after another and another.

**_//…Counting the days that pass me by…//_**

****

Beka picked her head up to look around at her surroundings. Remembering events that had taken place. Reliving certain moments that seemed almost tangible. Words spoken and emotions awakened. That was why she had come here. She had to deal with them. Work them out in her mind till everything finally began to make blessed sense again.

//…I've been searching deep down in my soul…// 

She remembered the words that Tyr had spoken to her. Praising her but denying them the possibility of a chance all in the same sentence. It had been nothing more than a pathetic finale to the song and dance routine that they had been performing practically ever since they had first met. But it had been the first time that her heart had physically ached at his words spilled in regret.

_…I've lived with you. I've fought beside you. Fought **with** you... I've often wished you were a Neitzschean."_

**_//…Words that I'm hearing, are starting to get old…//_**

****

Beka squeezed her eyes shut tightly and let her forehead fall back to rest on her knees. Blonde hair falling like a curtain around the outline of her face. How many times had she heard those words echoing in her head? How many times had she felt as if he was standing right in front of her, speaking them yet again to her face?

**_//…It feels like I'm starting all over again…//_**

****

It hadn't mattered right then and there what they had been through. What they had fought for. It hadn't mattered how many times they had joined their strengths and skills and made it out the stronger for it. It hadn't mattered that he had continued to protect her, even on missions and against odds that were strongly against both their chances of survival. They had locked horns and shared laughter. The entire crew of the Andromeda had been through hell and back more than once, and on every trip that had mattered, Tyr had been right beside her. They had saved each other's lives more time than any one of them could count, and she had considered him a part of her odd extended family. But she would have been lying to herself if she hadn't secretly hoped that one day it could have been more. Because no matter how hard they both had fought to ignore it, the chemistry that arched between the two of them every time they were together had only become stronger with the passage of time. And then with everything that had happened in the last year… the dreams that she had had… the knowledge of what had happened between them in that span of time where she could remember nothing else… the phantom memory of what it had been like to be in his arms… It had been mind-blowing. As it had been meant to.

But still he had walked away. Still, with those words, he had reminded her that as far as he was concerned, they could never be together, and he had left her... And he couldn't even tell her **_why._**

**_//…The last three years were just pretend…//_**

****

Come to think of it, there had been a lot of things that he had never spoken of. Actions of his that had made little to no sense at the time, and some still didn't. Sometimes she could read him… and yet other times it was like he was a completely different person.

****

**_//…And I said… Goodbye To You…//_**

****

But one thing had always been the same, and she wasn't so incredibly blind to believe for a moment that it was only her imagination, and Tyr had never been so foolish as to try and alter her thinking… He had just never said anything at all.

**_//…Goodbye to everything I thought I knew…//_**

****

It was the indefinable way he had always looked at her when he thought she wasn't aware of him. She'd never seen him look quite that way at another. A combination of amusement, exasperation, respect… and quite possibly a little bit of longing.

****

**_//…You were the one I loved…//_**

****

And she wasn't about to lie to herself while she was on the subject of this self-exploratory and examination of her emotions and memories from the last three years, and believe that she hadn't looked at him in a similar fashion more than once…

**_//…The one thing that I tried to hold on to…//_**

…That she had never once turned to see him watching her and meeting his intense gaze with one of her own. Taking such a brief moment in time to dare him openly with temperament flaring hotly to do something about it. And then feeling the way her heart thudded in her chest, as she saw the slight awareness glitter in his dark eyes. Almost as if for a moment, he too, was considering the possibility of accepting her challenge and answering it with on of his own.

**_//…I still get lost in your eyes…//_**

  It was the tense moments like those that had hinted to her strongly of what it would be like for the two of them to actually **_have_** the right to look at one another in such a fashion. What it would be like to be lovers. To actually come together with all their passion, all their fire, all their strength.

But it wasn't just those moments. Ones that were so tense with sexual attraction and need to such a point where she feared that it would just come crashing down on them at any moment. There were the others. Ones that caused her eyes to burn harshly and unexpectedly with their memory. The times he had spent training with her. Coaching her. Showing her how to strengthen her body to its full potential. She was already highly skilled with weaponry, but he had taught her what it meant to **_become _**the weapon. Believing that eventually one day she would be in a situation that she would have to fight her way out of in order to survive, using only her instincts and her body as the weapon to secure her safety. 

He drilled her when teaching her new stances and techniques. Harassed her when she was resistant. Taunted her when she was exhausted… And encouraged her when she was successful. 

Whether she liked it or not, he **_had_** given her a new way of looking at herself and the rest of the world. And more than a few ways of looking at him.

****

**_//…And it seems that I can't live a day without you…//_**

****

Beka suddenly groaned as she rubbed the palm of one hand hard against the surface of her frowning forehead. Haunted by the memories of his touch, the familiar smell of his skin, the unique feel of his body during all of those countless hours that they had spent together, not in each other's arms as lovers, but instead as mock enemies. 

**_//…Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away…//_**

Pretending to be training when really all they were doing was giving each other a legitimate reason to have physical contact. A legitimate reason to be twisting and writhing against one another, wrestling on the floor or on the benches, bodies touching in ways they never would any other way. It was all he would give her. All he **_could_** give her. And although she hated herself for it now, she had never turned him away. Even when she had expected his motivations behind it were more than what they seemed.

 It had been a way to work out their sexual frustrations with one another, and probably Tyr's way of ridding himself of such a need. Exhausting them both out before anything not quite as forgiving could take place. 

**_//…To a place where I am blinded by the light…//_**

****

Tyr, for all his camaraderie and protection, he was still very much a Neitzschean, and he had given her no opportunity to forget that all-important fact for very long. He was a warrior, a survivor. He had done things that she didn't appreciate. Manipulated certain events to his liking. Created scenarios for his own personal gains, whatever those might be. He was capable of detailed deceptions that were mind blowing, and she had never met anyone, not even another Neitzschean, that had quite the calculative and frigid edge that he possessed. There had been many a time where he had truly, deeply disturbed her. But it was his nature. And his nature was that of a Neitzschean.

It was what had kept him from crossing a certain line with her for these last three years. And it was what had constantly reminded her of how completely wrong it was for her to want him the way she did.

****

**_//…But it's not right…// _**

****

But it couldn't stop her from remembering those few times that he had touched her. Not in combativeness or frustration, but for the simple pleasure of the contact. The connection. Her hand, the line of her jaw, the side of her neck… Even that awkward dancing. And it was those forbidden moments that had imprinted themselves upon her heart. No matter how much she had pretended that it was just the touch of a friend or comrade, such as Dylan or Harper, and nothing more than that. 

And most certainly not a touch that she felt all the way to her core.

**_//…Goodbye to you…//_**

****

But none of that mattered now. He was gone. She didn't know why. Was pretty sure she didn't want to know. But he had left. Somewhere deep inside, she had always known that one day he would have to. Maybe because she knew Tyr Anasazi well enough to understand that the only way he could retain who and what he was, was to leave before he lost what was left of his nature as he had everything else prior to his joining the crew of the Andromeda with the original intent of killing Dylan – and most likely her as well – and taking the powerful ship as his own.

**_//…goodbye to everything I thought I knew…//_**

Being a part of the crew of Andromeda had changed him. He was still ruthless. Primal. Still extremely dangerous and capable of taking on everything that they had come across. But his loyalties had shifted slightly. Instead of just caring for himself, he began to care for the welfare of their crew, and had proven that point more than once, even if it was at the same time that he annoyed the hell out of them with his secretive plots and his deceptive reasoning. And although the rest of them thought it was wonderful that there was a beating heart beneath those cold, aggressive instincts, she knew that somewhere deep within himself he had always mockingly berated his attachment to the Andromeda crew. And maybe even to her.

****

**_//…You were the one I loved…// _**

****

She shouldn't care anymore. He had never been hers. They would never have had a chance to be together. Not with his breeding and imprinting, and her with her pride and independent nature. 

**_//…The one thing that I tried to hold on to…//_**

A Neitzschean didn't have sex with a human unless they were of a weaker line and that human was of the level of a sterilized slave, and no self-respecting human would let themselves be considered an inferior by a sexual partner. And although Tyr had considered her an equal on many other levels, there had always been just that one area in which his thoughts and beliefs on would never be compromised. No matter what other allowances he had made, genetic purity was not one of them. 

****

**_//…And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time…//_**

****

Who knows, maybe he truly had respected her more than she had realized at first by not initiating a relationship between them, that while most likely powerfully alluring, would never have allowed them both to stand side by side on equal footing in the eyes of the rest of the universe. 

****

**_//…I want what's yours, and I want what's mine…//_**

****

So maybe that meant she should really consider it a good thing that they'd never allowed things between them to get out of hand, because if they had, his departure would have been even worse than it had. 

Obviously nothing would have kept him from whatever destiny that he believed he had ahead of him and **_away_** from Andromeda. Not even her. Not even out of some ironic sense of loyalty one usually felt directed towards a long-term lover.

So that was another good reason for them not to have been together sexually. She wouldn't have had to listen to one of those agonizingly embarrassing "Dear Jane" speeches. Wouldn't have to feel that gigantic tear ripping into her soul that only the one that she had shared her most intimate moments with could have healed, but never would. Leaving her with a scar that would never really go away. She should have thanked him for leaving her with at least that much of her still intact.

So why did her heart still feel so completely shattered, when the loss of men that she actually **_had_** taken to her bed hadn't hurt this bad?

****

**_//…I want you…//_**

****

Beka didn't have the answers to make any of this easier. She barely understood the questions. But she **_did_** know the facts. Tyr was Neitzschean. The last of his Pride. It had only been a matter of time before he would have felt compelled to carry out his long-awaited destiny. His duty. He couldn't have continued on the way he had for the last three years on board the Andromeda, and remained true to his heritage left by his deceased family members. It was his legacy to carry on and sire full-blooded offspring to bring the Kodiak Pride back into existence. 

She was human. It didn't matter how strong she was, or how cunning, or that she was the best damn pilot in the known universe. And neither did it matter that she never knew who her mother was or where she came from, or that her father had been a smuggler, gambler, and a flash addict. It wouldn't have mattered who her parents were or where she came from, or how incredible her skills were… or that she had fought at Tyr's side through some of the worst that the universe had to throw at them. He could appreciate her, desire her… and maybe even love her… But he could never have taken her, just a human, as a mate. 

And she knew in her soul that she would never have been satisfied with anything less. And maybe, just maybe, neither would he.

****

**_//…But I'm not giving in this time…!//_**

****

Lifting her head up, she took in a deep breath and let it out in a heavy sigh. Fingers absently rubbing under her eyes and sweeping away the irritating faint traces of a few stray tears. She never cried and she'd be damned before she'd start now. 

**_//…Goodbye to you…//_**

Just as Tyr had continued along his path, she must continue along hers. And hers lay with the Andromeda crew and Dylan. Everything was changing, but Dylan would always have her loyalty. The universe may have been coming apart at its seams, but she would see this conflict through to its conclusion at his side, just as she had promised him she would. These last three years were the first time that she had felt that her life and skills had counted for something. She wouldn't turn her back on that. Not now, not **_ever._**

**_//…Goodbye to everything I thought I knew…//_**

****

She would just have to content herself to believe that everything had worked out the way it had been meant to from the beginning…

****

**_//…You were the one I loved…//_**

****

…And pray that one day, when her and Tyr's paths inevitably crossed again, it would still be as allies. As friends.  Not as enemies such as Dylan feared they all might become.

**_//…The one thing that I tried to hold on to…//_**

****

Slowly unwinding her limbs in order to come to her feet, she looked down at her watch and groaned. She'd been in here for longer than she had realized or she had wanted. If she was ever going to be worth anything to anyone for the next few days, she would have to force herself to get some sleep. And maybe now she would. Now that she felt like she had dealt with her emotions and feelings over Tyr to a certain extent. Had finally admitted to herself that, yeah, his not being here hurt like hell, but that there was nothing that she could do about it except keep on doing what she was doing. She had a responsibility. As did they all. No point crying over what would never come to be.

****

**_The one thing that I tried to hold on to!!_**

****

She padded back over towards the door. Pressing the keypad with numb fingertips and listening to the gentle hiss of the panel sliding back into its internal mechanical pocket within the wall. Revealing the long and empty corridor beyond. 

Did she love Tyr? Yeah, she knew now for certain that she did. She had admitted to him as much as she was able to with her last parting words to him. And for the first time within that moment, she had known by the expression on his face that he loved her as well in his own way. 

But when, in their ever-changing, cold, and calculating universe had that ever been enough? 

****

**_//…The one thing that I tried to hold on to…//_**

****

Beka looked back behind her. Tired pale blue gaze sweeping the expanse of the room, and lips curving sadly as she was again assaulted by memories of easier times. The very stillness of the air reverberating with phantom echoes of past laughter and conversations and debates… And once upon a time an almost date between an almost couple…  

****

**_//…The one thing that I tried to hold on to!! //_**

****

One thing her and Tyr had always had in common was that they were both survivors. It was probably her number one trait that he – and most of the other Neitzscheans she had met over the years – had admired in her the most. It was what had enabled him to liken her as much as he was able to his own species. What had kept him around legitimately with her because it boosted up his own survival rate, and what had earned her the so-called honor of being referred to by other Neitzscheans as having the instincts and heart of one of their own. But she didn't think so… In fact she wanted nothing to do with that title. She was still just that spunky human girl who ran the fastest salvage ship in the business and possessed a quick draw that had kept her alive all these years. She didn't care for being acknowledged as anything more than what she truly was at heart. She knew she wouldn't be able to respect herself any other way.

So that was what she was going to do now. She was going to do what Tyr had always encouraged her to do. Survive. Pure and simple. She wouldn't be able to do that as long as she spent precious mental time on topics that would never work themselves out. Yes, she loved Tyr, and something told her she always would. But she was also the pilot and First Officer to the Andromeda. And a human. Tyr was a Neitzschean with all the titles and ideals that brought to him. She was a human who served the Commonwealth. You couldn't get any more ironic than that. It was almost achingly poetic for all its harsh and unfair contradiction.

But it was a contradiction she couldn't afford to think about right now. Maybe not ever again. So she would do what she had always done. Lock her emotions down deep inside till even she began to convince herself that they had never existed in the first place, and keep her eye trained on the proverbial ball. Continue to fight. Continue to breathe. Continue to live… Continue to survive.

It was what she did best. And what Tyr had reinforced. He had encouraged it. Making her accept that aspect of her instincts, and his coaching being the one thing that he **_was_** able to give her of himself. Even if that gift was what would now finally help her live without him. 

And maybe that was what his purpose for it had been all along.

Beka's eyes finally pulled away from the shadows of the Observation Deck, and strayed back over to the viewing screen with encompassed the entire side of the room where the leather bench below it still held the remnants of her body heat and the imprint of her slight weight. Her gaze swept over those stars that glittered like the most precious of gemstones in the velvet night sky, before she finally turned her back on them and the memories connected with the Deck. Before turning her back on her confusion and pain and regret. Before resolutely stepping through that door, and sending it sliding back into place with a sense of finality at the same time her heart slid shut on its aching loneliness and longing and need. Emotions and feelings she would keep bottled up for as long as it took for them to finally begin to die out and thus save her from ever having to feel them again.

But **_not_** before the reflection of those glittering stars caught within the shimmering tears that had fallen down her pale cheeks unchecked and would remain unnoticed, undisturbed for her entire trek back to her personal quarters.

****

**_//…And when the stars fall, I will lie awake…// _**

****

**_//…You're my shooting star…//_**

****

~*~

Of all the things I've believed in

I just want to get it over with

Tears form behind my eyes

But I do not cry

Counting the days that pass me by.

I've been searching deep down in my soul

Words that I'm hearing

Are starting to get old

It feels like I'm starting all over again

The last three years were just pretend

And I said,

Goodbye to you,

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew

You were the one I loved

The one thing that I tried to hold on to.

I still get lost in your eyes

And it seems that I can't live a day

without you

Closing my eyes and you chase my

thoughts away

To a place where

I am blinded by the light

But it's not right.

Goodbye to you

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew

You were the one I loved

The one thing that I tried to hold on to.

And it hurts to want everything and

nothing at the same time

I want what's yours

and I want what's mine

I want you

But I'm not giving in this time!

Goodbye to you

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew

You were the one I loved

The one thing that I tried to hold on to

The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And when the stars fall

I will lie awake

You're my shooting star… 

~*~*~*~*~

I hope you enjoyed my first take on a Beka/Tyr fic… even if it was a bit on the angsty side. I am planning on doing a song fic sequel to this, which will be from Tyr's point of view, but I need to know if I should even bother with it… So if you would like to read more T/B from me, please take a moment to review and let me know what you think! Please remember that these reviews are the only payment that we writers receive for our time spent bringing you these stories, and **_every_** review is more important to us than you realize!

Thanks for reading!!

~*~*~*~*~


End file.
